dreamattack | a dialogue in pictures

“March 31, 2005 — It was a circus — this time literally — outside Terri Schiavo’s
hospice yesterday, after a juggling team arrived on the scene.” [ wtf?? ]

Experts on privacy and law said the sale of the list was legal and even predictable. “I think it’s amusing,” said Robert Gellman, a privacy and information policy consultant. “I think it’s absolutely classic America. Everything is for sale in America, every type of personal information about everybody.” [ read more ]

Critically endangered infant bonobo, named Makasi, explores his outdoor enclosure for the first time, March 22, 2005, as he is slowly integrated with a bonobo troop, at the San Diego Zoo. Makasi had to be hand-reared in the Children’s Zoo primate nursery after his mother at the San Diego Zoo’s Wild Animal Park rejected him shortly after birth. Bonobos are a very rare, and critically endangered species of great ape native to the forests and lowlands of the Democratic Republic of Congo. Incorrectly but commonly called ‘pygmy chimpanzee’ this species is only slightly smaller than the more commonly recognized species of chimpanzee and has dark pigmentation on its feet, hands and face.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The information produced in the world every year would fill 37,000 Library of Congresses. Unfortunately, you haven’t been keeping up very well. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll dramatically increase your uptake of raw data. Read more newspapers and magazines, please. Spend more time surfing the Web. Watch more TV. APRIL FOOL! Ninety-nine point ninety-nine percent of all that raw data is useless, meaningless, and corrupted with half-truth. In fact, to best serve your mental health you should get a high-quality Bullshit Detector. Either that, or invite more silence into your life.

Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology

who would have known
that a boy like him
would have entered me lightly
restoring my blisses

who would have known
that a boy like him
after sharing my core
would stay going nowhere

who would have known
a beauty this immense
who would have known
a saintly trance
who would have known
miraculous breath
to inhale a beard
loaded with courage

who would have known
that a boy like him
possessed of magical
sensitivity
would approach a girl like me
who caresses cradles his head
in her bosom

he slides inside
half awake, half asleep
we faint back
into sleephood
when I wake up
the second time
in his arms
gorgeousness
he’s still inside me

who would have known
who ahhh
who would have known

a train of pearls
cabin by cabin
is shot precisely
across an ocean

from a mouth
from a
from the mouth
of a girl like me
to a boy
to a boy
to a boy

cocoon / björk

The nigredo standing on the sol niger

Ever desireless, one sees the mystery
Ever desiring, one sees the manifestations.
Yet mystery and manifestation arise from the same source.
The source is darkness.
Darkness within darkness.
The key to all understanding.

Tao te Ching

from bodyworlds

contemplating road trip to chicago sometime between now and sept 5.

I wore a shirt all day with poopy piggay footprints on it and didn’t notice them until half a minute ago.

& ya know what? I don’t care!

all the sweet piggay keeses I got this morning more than make up for the weird brown smears on my shirt!

wonderful presentses in my inbox
magickal chaostrophic messages on the internets
waves and waves of dreaming that I can barely breathe into words

something is happening …

I’ve become impossible
holding on to when
when everything seemed to matter more
the two of us
all used and beaten up
watching fate as it flows down the path we have chose

you and me
we’re in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin
they pick and they pull
trying to get their fingers in
well they’ve got to kill what we found
well they’ve got to hate what they fear
well they’ve got to make it go away
well they’ve got to make it disappear

the farther I fall I’m beside you
as lost as I get I will find you
the deeper the wound I’m inside you
for ever and ever I am a part of

you and me
we’re in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through some how
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

all that we were is gone we have to hold on
when all our hope is gone we have to hold on
all that we were is gone but we can hold on

you and me
we’re in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me

even after everything
you’re the queen and I’m the king
nothing else means anything

we’re in this together / nine inch nails

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10100101110

I took off my bandage & looked at my new boo-boo while on break a lil bit ago. after twisting around in front of the mirror, I counted only seven stitches. confused. there’s no way they could cram 15 stitches inside there. so I pulled out the paperwork I’d shoved deep into the black hole of my bag and scrutinized it. no quantity listed, just aftercare instructions & a date to return for removal of the outer layer of sutures. so I call k. & querry … um, how many stitches did I get? he laughs his ass off.

5 in, 7 out.

no wonder they didn’t laugh at me suggesting one more made 23. cos I’m uh-tarded. no wonder they checked me for a concussion. sigh.

let me bury myself against your chest and inbetween your arms until the whole world goes away. I don’t know what to do.

this is the sound of me desperately trying not to abandon all hope, ye who enter me.

Mr. Neely comes in as I am quietly examining my new toy and starts to talk to me about the iPod. he tells me to enjoy it while it lasts. I look at him quizzically and he starts to tell me about a little movie some guys made about the iPod battery. he suggests I look it up on the web. while I am finishing up my previous post, he comes over and hands me a slip of paper with the following url on it: ipodsdirtysecret.com printed neatly on it. I thank him and go watch the leedle video, minus sound for I am not allowed.

I will relay this calmly, even though my brain can only murmur the word, “fuck,” repeatedly at the moment.

so.

I get my paycheck-stub thingie this morning at work. as I do every time, I look over it to make sure everything looks mostly right. I notice that there are still no deductions being made for health insurance. errors and oversights happen all the time, so I decide that it’s best to call the nice ladies in accounting and inquire about it. I figure it’s better for them to realize it now than to have to deduct 12 months of premiums from my paycheck at the end of the year. shows how logically I think these days.

so I call.

and the nice lady tells me that my insurance doesn’t start until 1 April. I say oh no, that must be a mistake because I received my insurance card and its effective date was 1 March. She politely says oh no, they made a mistake because you are not elligable for insurance until after you have worked here 30 days. I say gee … it would have been nice to know that BEFORE I had a billion-dollar brain surgery.

it is not unusual to receive bills for medical thingies because pending insurance can take months to pay, and most doctor’s offices will not ask for immediate payment because they know this fact.

but now I realize that the bills I have been receiving will eventually start coming to me with demands for payment because the insurance company will say gee, she isn’t covered, get her to pay it, and the doctors will go gee, someone has to pay this and it will be you.

and I will say, gee - I wonder if I can donate my body to science before I’m dead.

on a lighter note - I am holding a tiny new silver iPod mini in my hand, and it almost makes everything okay. I try not to think about how many brain scans or stitches I could have paid for with it.

take away the sensation inside
bittersweet migraine in my head
it’s like a throbbing toothache of the mind
I can’t take this feeling anymore

drain the pressure from the swelling
this sensation’s overwhelming
give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
tell me that I won’t feel a thing

so give me novacaine

out of body and out of mind
kiss the demons out of my dreams
I get the funny feeling and that’s alright
Jimmy says it’s better than here

drain the pressure from the swelling
this sensation’s overwhelming
give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
tell me that I won’t feel a thing

so give me novacaine

oh novacaine

drain the pressure from the swelling
this sensation’s overwhelming
give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
tell me, Jimmy, I won’t feel a thing

so give me novacaine

give me novacaine / green day

naughty monkay

Next Time, Text Vote For Your Favorite Vegetable

7:43 A.M.

***ring, ring***

Me: This is Dave…
Caller: Yes, I’d like to voice my opinion on the Terri Schiavo issue.
Me: Okay….
Caller: I think it’s a great injustice and she needs to be saved. Nobody deserves to die this way- her husband should be charged with murder.
Me: I see…. Well, thank you for sharing your viewpoint.
Me: Would you like my opinion?
Caller: Uhh… I guess so.
Me: I agree with you that pulling Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube is a horrible way to die. I think they should just shoot her instead. It’ll be over quicker that way.
Caller(after long pause): WHAT IS YOUR NAME!?! I’m going to report you! How dare you be so disrepectful. You should behave more like a registered official….
Me: Excuse me, ma’am? Who do you think this is?
Caller (another long pause): Uh, this isn’t the Senator’s office?
Me: No.
Caller: It’s not?
Me: No.
Caller: Who is this then?
Me: This is Dave.

***click***

I’ma collect em all!

hee hee - is it weird to be all pleased that Mr. Neely talked to me just now? like resembling a full conversation? he wanted to show me what he called a “self-destruct dvd” - one of them time-sensative dvds that stops working after 48 hours. we briefly chatted about what bullshit that is. he seemed pleased to be able to show me one for the first time. I’m such a monkay-tard.